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The Fading Glow

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Holy doesn’t mean perfect and reaching enlightenment doesn’t mean lacking experiences, and that’s what Andy never seemed to understand. Of course Sidney loves him still, for he is a part of this world, but he seems to think that love makes him special and valued over all others. She can’t even blame him for that when so many believe that Good is a thing you are, and that if they spend enough time near her, something of it will rub off on them. She didn’t ask for a manager or an agent or whatever he thinks he is, and she can’t turn him away any more than she could turn away the people he finds “undeserving,” but she does draw the line at boyfriend no matter what name he puts on it.

Later she realizes that it wasn’t infatuation he felt for her at all. Andy’s hero-worship was even more damaging for both of them in the end because it took so little to shake it down to its foundations. She did try to tell him that what he saw when he looked at her was only a fantasy, but he refused to listen. It was sad, but she was hardly surprised when the news about her daughter came out and he could no longer stand to look at her. It might be easier to love him for his place in the world from afar.

It’s not as if he actually cared about Raina back when she introduced herself to them as Peace. He was suspicious from the start and even Sidney had her doubts but she also saw a heart full of deep yearning for something neither of them could name, and that was enough of a reason to let her in. Even now, Andy can’t see this woman as a person who has been wronged, only an abstract proof that she, Sidney, has done wrong. “I thought I knew you,” he spat as he left. He probably meant it to wound terribly but she could only smile sadly because she already understood that he didn’t know her at all.